Fear

Fear was something that consumed my life. I'm guessing it had some link to my childhood. Nevertheless, it restricted me from living peacefully and openly. I was fearful of rejection mainly, but other obstacles and challenges also brought up that familiar feeling within me. I felt as a prisoner, and yet the frustrating struggle for freedom was versus myself! Talk about insanity! Oddly enough I have always had an adventurous spirit; one that loved spontaneity and surprise, but the anxiety held me captive. After living most of my young adult life cornered and condensed by fear of the unknown, I decided to disclose this private struggle with a mentor in hopes to find a 'cure'. As I began to pour out my 'poor helpless me' story of all the hopes, dreams, and aspirations I had for life and how I was never going to be able to achieve them, she interrupted me and said;

'What's holding you back?'
Again I continued with my sorrowful saga, entailing the nail-biting fears and anxiety I experienced at even the most trivial tasks. She stopped me and replied,
'Are the dreams and aspirations you shared with me first, truly important to you? Are they really valuable goals for you to achieve?'
'Yes, of course', I answered, a bit curious as to why such an obvious question would need to be answered.
'Well then I guess you'll have to do them afraid,' she said quite matter-of-factly.

That was her final answer? No miracle 12 step program to help me 'free the fear' or 'execute the anxiety'? No, it was as simple as that; if there are things I want to do in this world but I am scared, the only option was, do it afraid. Probably some of the best advice I have ever received. It seemed so elementary, yet it was a concept that had never bothered to cross my mind.

As I have moved into the challenge of 'doing things afraid', I have realized most of them actually present little, if any, discomfort at all. The exhilarating feeling of successfully achieving a goal I have set forth is well worth the effort. Extending myself beyond my 'comfort zone' has never failed to teach me something about my character, my surroundings and other people.

In hindsight, I learned that living in fear was a self-centered way of life. It not only restrained me from reaching my full potential, but it also denied others from becoming a part of my life. When I was "released" from the cords of fear which I perceived to be hindering me from accomplishing my greatest desires, I learned the harder lesson. I realized that once fear and anxiety were no longer my captors, I had no excuse to not press forward.

If you are someone afraid of failure, and that keeps you from accomplishing your dreams, try a new approach and do it afraid...you'll never regret it.

Busy-ness

Living in the Bay Area we are used to life at a break-neck speed. Fast food, fast transportation, high-speed Internet, speed dating, running to pick up the kids, off to practice, dashing to the office; long gone are the days of mid-afternoon coffee breaks where businesses closed to enjoy the company of their fellow employees, and regroup their thoughts. I believe that we have become so accustomed to our busy schedules that we forget to stop and enjoy the moment. When was the last time you truly sat down and enjoyed a meal with family or friends? How about the last time you watched the sunset? When was the last time you played with your children and enjoyed their laughter? when was the last time you showed your spouse you loved them?

Somehow all of these important interactions so easily grace the backdrop of life and the tasks and duties of the daily grind take the main stage. We sometimes take those important things for granted as if there will always be time for them later...but when does 'later' ever truly arrive? Quite the opposite is actually true; work will always remain, laundry hampers will always be full, dust will continually mound on the furniture, toys and shoes will always be found out of place, the garage could always be more organized, but the nurturing you give to your children and the love you give to your spouse will make your home a restful place and bring your heart contentment amidst the unfinished chores.

Ladies, love your husband. Remember how you were when you first caught each others eye, and don't ever lose that. I can only speak from observation, but I stand by my word when I say, don't deprive your husband of the love and respect he needs. Take the time to put yourself together before he walks in the door from a long day at work; do not nag him with a 'honey do' list as his greeting, instead a kiss. Be a joy for him to arrive home to. Don't starve him of intimacy because you have exhausted yourself from a long day...just as much as you might need adoration he needs intimacy. This is why I say, choose your daily duties accordingly; if it's going to make you too tired to be a good wife, then write it on a list to complete another day.

Why do I bring this up? Not because I am married and have the answers, but because of what I have seen and heard from many marriages. I can only speak to women on this subject. Don't put your husband last in line, do not assume he will always be there. If you have chosen wisely he will remain faithful, but his heart will be detached. Why deny the man you once held as your king, your knight in shining armor? His needs should be a priority in your life far above your to-do list. Is not his happiness more important than having an orderly house? Also, doing your part and being a good wife will leave you with a peaceful heart&mind knowing that there is no one else your man would rather come home to.

Love is a multi-dimensional verb. It's being patient, kind, slow to get angry, not quick to judge, not envious or proud, it rejoices with good, and its not selfish. Love is something you give without expectancy of return. It is a gift. So take the challenge with me, try for one day to focus on doing loving actions, words, and/or gestures for those around you. Talk is nice, but love transforms.

4 fitnesses

Being fit physically is a beneficial thing, however to lead a healthy life you must also consider spiritual fitness, emotional fitness and mental fitness. All exist together to create a perfect harmony within us. When one area is lacking all areas experience strain. Unfortunately, in America we tend to emphasize on anything that is pleasing to the eye and steals our attention, rather then the more lasting and genuine development of our character. I have been caught red-handed in this dilemma myself-- pushing myself to work my body harder and longer, eating a restricted diet, shopping for the latest fashions, expending most of my energy on outward appearances. Though I felt exhausted from all the physical labor of keeping my body in submission, I came to realize that physical fitness is truly the easiest of the 4 arenas to achieve. Strengthening my biceps is much easier for me then disciplining my mind. Doing 200 crunches might build me a six pack but it wont build me integrity. I could do squats and lounges until the sun sets but I wont gain salvation.

Why am I bringing this up, you ask? I cant ignore the many circumstances I have encountered that have brought me back to this point. Whether it was working in a nursing facility and witnessing the frail bodies and traveling minds of the elderly, or sharing in the pain over the sudden death of a 'fit as a fiddle', 24 year old co-worker, or seeing how in an instant thousands of lives can vanish as two towers crumble to the ground.

In the Nursing facility I learned that the men who had served our country in the military were by far the most mentally sharp even at age 101! The discipline and focus that they had learned all those years kept them sane. Even though we have technology to help us move at a faster pace, it also acts as a disservice by spoon feeding us answers we once had to search for. I present a challenge, lets commit to not using technological advances for one week. Observe how many times you actually have to use math, pull out a map, or work on your penmanship...I know for me it's embarrassing. There's no denying the expression 'use it or lose it'.

And with the co-worker; he was one who had everything in the world's eye...he was tall, confident, muscular, handsome, appeared to have all things going for him...yet it was only that. Appearance. Not even 24hours had passed since we signed off with each other that night at work, when I received a phone call informing me that he had been pronounced dead due to heart complications in the small hours of the next morning. I don't know if he was prepared for death, but there was no choice. His passing definitely brought me to my senses. Someone I consider to be very wise once told me, " you have never really lived until you have been faced with death". This is where spiritual fitness lends it's hand to stabilize our lives. Death is one thing guaranteed in this life, and its something we all share a commonality in. The only difference between two souls are the choices and beliefs that determine the definition of death in one's life. With faith, death is but an entry in to true life, without faith death is your expiration date. ('Now faith is being sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we do not see'.--Hebrews 11:1, NIV) Without faith your spiritual fitness is famished, which massively interrupts balance in the larger picture.

The Twin Towers falling on 9/11 released enormous out-pours of emotion in our homeland. Love and sympathy and many tears were sent from all states to support those who were lost, and for those who had lost. Cards, flags, pictures, bouquets and all remnants of memorabilia lined the blocks surrounding the devastating mountain of debris, twisted and tangled with brokenness. Emotional fitness can be quite the challenge for both men and women, but I can proudly compliment our nation, that on a day filled with such turmoil and terror Americans expressed emotion in a very refreshing way. Do you remember where you were on that fateful day? Do you remember the weeks, months and even years that came after that tragic day? I cannot forget walking the streets of lower Manhattan just 5 short months after the attack and experiencing the unity of those who lived and worked there day in and day out. Such tragedy for our nation also brought such unity and genuine comradery. The selfish pride that once chimed in America had now been brought to humility. Humility opens the door for relationship, and that was something that impacted me so greatly when I was there. I met top C.E.O.'s and convenience stand workers, firefighters and policemen, men, women, and children, and all were coming together as equals, each seeking and sharing comfort with one another. My lesson on emotional fitness is one I will never be able to overlook.

All in all, my challenge in life everyday is to live in balance, in health, and in love. Moderation is essential for true satisfaction. Though we have much opportunity for instant gratification these days, deprive yourself from it. Be present in everyday, live it being prepared if it's your last, and love the people around you---' act toward others as you would have them act toward you'...I guarantee you the 4 fitnesses will be then in perfect harmony.