self-examination

Have you ever encountered someone completely oblivious to the fact that they, themselves, play the starring role in the drama of their life? It cracks me up listening to these gals gossip and complain about the men in their lives, or their 'friends', the troubles at home, work, school etc... They go on and on telling all the nitty-gritty details of some contentious situation and how they were done injustice etc...all the while creating quite an offense themselves.

Unfortunately in this day and age people rarely tend to turn the magnifying glass around.
'Who wants to do that? I mean acknowledging my role in the situation might mean I actually need to do something about it! Way too much work.'
This is the typical subconscious decision being made when someone begins to make a judgement of another. The normalcy of this way of thinking is frightening! It is no wonder why our relationships grow distant and fail at an ever quickening pace.

To have success in any life circumstance you must be introspective in equal or greater portions as your outward observations. It's the one thing you can always grasp, and though it can be challenging and uncomfortable, it produces the best results when exercised. In a time where the majority seek to have "control" in a very variable world, there is one thing-- an extremely crucial element-- that we ultimately CAN control and that is ourselves. Rather then believing it's your co-workers, that are the issue, maybe its you? Instead of assuming you must be God's gift to all the problematic people in your office, maybe you are actually the drama queen(or king...some of you men...i swear) Instead of believing you are a magnet for all the 'weirdos' . . .take a look in the mirror;)

Now I am not being facetious, but honest. So many of us (i included) are guilty as charged for passing the blame. It's time to stop focusing outwardly and instead realize we, ourselves, have so much we could do to better ourselves. I trust you will see a change in your surroundings by making changes in yourself. Altering your attitude and outlook will ultimately adjust your lens on how you perceive the world. Try it out...if I am wrong then forget i ever said it:)

First Day of School

'First days' are always adventurous, exciting, nerve wracking, and unpredictable. In my case, I have had a roller coaster of all these emotions throughout the past couple weeks; first, relocating to a new area and home, secondly, a new job; thirdly another new job, then quitting an old job; and just yesterday was my first day going back to a brand new school, and not to mention taking public transit...which you guessed it, I am pretty darn new to that as well!

I chose BART to travel to school because it is near my new place and it would be a convenient and less expensive way of transportation--not to mention avoiding the crazy parking situations in Bezerkeley.

To lessen the panic of possibly jumping on a train in the wrong direction I decided to do some homework ahead of time and got myself a BART schedule and map. The map makes it simple enough for a two year old to navigate, yet I still found myself asking the people around me for reassurance regarding what platform I was supposed to transfer on to etc. I was sure that I was going to end up in the wrong place and be late, or even worse, miss my first day of lecture!

As the SFO/Millbrae train made a smooth stop at the platform I jumped on and found a seat. I scanned the car and was pleasantly surprised at how clean it was and how 'safe' the people all appeared to be...this was nothing like the rumors I had heard about BART. I sat back with my iPod in hand and relaxed as the train eased forward...only knocking one elderly, overweight man on top of the woman I had been talking to. (For those of you regular BARTees you must know it can take you by surprise when you aren't positioned in fighting stance) The humor of that situation calmed my anxiety and I was sure that I would successfully find my way to school.

The BART conductor kindly called off every station as we stopped along the way to relieve and reload passengers. Next stop was my place to transfer. So as we slowed to a stop at the MacArthur Station, the conductor explained,

'This is a transfer station, for those of you who wish to continue on to San Francisco/Millbrae please remain seated. For those passengers wishing to travel to Fremont please exit and cross to platform 3. For those passengers heading to Richmond, please exit, go downstairs, and go back up to platform 1'

'SWEET!' I thought to myself,' he made it so easy, 'why did I even worry?!' I sprinted off the train and down the stairs, across the hall and taking steps two at a time back up the other side. Just as I reached the top stair my connecting train arrived. 'This is so my lucky day!!' As I entered the Richmond train...WOW!...that was the only word that came to mind. This was completely different in every way then the last train. I had now entered a shmorgesborg of all ethnicity's and age groups. Though the train car was packed to full capacity and I could hardly see the map, I knew with out a doubt I was heading in the right direction. I don't know what it is(and I don't say this to offend) but I could smell my way to Berkeley. HaHa! I'm not sure why I feared finding my way so much, I should have remembered to simply follow my scent-ses, the hippies, the naturalists, the smarty pants, the guys with no shoes, and the aroma of once every-other-week showerers. These are the fascinating characters that make Berkeley... well Berkeley!

Needless to say, my first day of school was absolutely fantastic! BART, my new school(which actually is brand spankin' new!!and I LOVE it), my professor(she is BOMB), the lecture and area of study(Microbiology...very engaging:)), and my new friends I made in class!! What a splendid first day! Thank you God:)

The Grass is Greener Where You Water It

Just recently, I for the second time made the 'big move' out of my parents nest and out on my own. As I was tediously packing the vast array of clutter that so gracefully furnished my "rest stop" in Castro Valley, I came across much memorabilia from my childhood. My Ma had so generously decided to assist me with such a feat, so together we laughed and were amazed at my knack for hoarding any sort of reminder of my younger years.

Under the bed I revealed ticket stubs and brochures, birthday cards and bank statements, sugar packets and every sort of odd'n'end imaginable from all places visited, missioned, or vacationed. That part was nothing in comparison to what I discovered while rummaging through the closet. As I knelt on the floor to pull out some shoe boxes I noticed a larger box tucked in the corner. I shifted the heavy box closer to myself and carefully untucked the corners to reveal its contents. Inside were two tall stacks of spiral bound notebooks. To you it may seem kooky, but the pages in each of those notebooks were filled from top to bottom, front and back with the manuscript of my life from my younger years until now.

I had forgotten where I placed all these novellas of my day to day thoughts, experiences, crushes, joys, and tears. For fun I flipped open one and began to read what I wrote. Immediately I was derailed from the duties of packing and was rather engulfed in the humorous and heartfelt messages I had so diligently penned day in and day out. As I shared some memories with my Ma, she laughed and reminded me of how I used to always be eager and expectant of what was next to come in life.

'You always were going to be happy, WHEN. . . happened, or WHEN. . . age came, or AFTER. . . was over. THEN you would truly be content', she reminded me,'You have definitely changed a lot since then, in fact I can hardly recall a scenario when you have repeated those phrases'.

The truth is, I was never going to be happy if I couldn't be satisfied with what I had, and who I was in this very moment. A viewpoint in lack of maturity sees the grass always looking greener on the other side; what is not yours(or what you can't have) must be better then what you already possess. When you have no commitment or responsibility to someone or something it's natural to be drawn toward what is eye catching. There are innumerable examples I can think of that easily lead us to covet, such as-cars, boats, electronics, homes, jobs, incomes, spouses, body types, status, clothes, etc... But what gives something that extraordinary value?

When it comes to relationships and marriage, its the time, effort, love and commitment through thick and thin that so tenderly develops such a beautiful union of two people. From an outside perspective it can be easy to say, 'If only my husband was like hers, then I would be satisfied', or 'If only I had a home like that I would be content', ' If only I had a fit body like hers I would be happy','If only I made more money...'

The truth is, you are more then able to have happiness, joy, and contentment no matter where you are or what you don't have if you are willing to nurture that which you DO have. Water your own lawn, so to speak, and reap the benefits of what lies within your picket fence. Find the positive in every situation. Seek ways to serve your friends, family, neighbors etc. Challenge yourself with this question, 'If I died today would I die content? Or is my soul in a tizzy until whatever it is in the future arrives or is completed?' It would be a shame if the latter were true because no one is guaranteed a certain number of days. Would you forfeit the joy that could be yours daily because of the coveting of something you may never attain or accomplish? Only God knows the amount of breaths you will take on his planet; make the most of every one you receive.

My Theory on High Gasoline Prices

Haven't we all become so tired of the monotonous reports in every source of news regarding how much were paying at the pump?! I know I have. It seems that the same facts are being presented all day everyday, but who has an explanation or a solution? Neither objects of useful information have been relayed, but for some reason unbenunced to me, they continue to hit the replay button on the drudgery of pulling into your local Chevron.

Secondly, in the uplifting list of announcements the stoic news anchor has to tell us, is, 'We're fat', 'Oh and don't forget, everything is going up in price and potentially sales tax too!'. How wonderful!

See, the truth is actually quite simple. We have heard, and seen, and felt, for quite sometime now that a major portion of Americans are obese; and truly have had no motivation to change. This posed a considerable problem for health insurance companies because now they are paying out big bills for the deteriorating health of their clients. What better way to "motivate"--(ehhemm...force!) the general obese American population to get their tushes moving then to raise the price of gas and in unison the price of food? Brilliant! This recession or 'slow down' has nothing to do with economy, rather it was the remedy for obesity. Americans were making a lot of money, buying bigger vehicles(multiple too), and eating out more frequently, and as a result gained more weight then anyone knew how to handle. We have all had days where we feel fat, and those days often leave us with a lazy, unmotivated, grumpy attitude...so it's no wonder people weren't up trying to go to the gym and do something about it! Instead money would fix the momentary depression with a double chocolate fudge sundae, or a Deep fried steak with extra onion rings---because they are on the Atkins diet of course;0)-- The best way for the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services to get us up and active was to not give us an option.

Statistics have shown a massive decrease in mileage driven once prices reached $4p/g, and as a replacement many people have come to rely on bicycles and tennis shoes to reach their destinations. Also, we are eating more reasonable portion sizes, not only because we now have direct deposit at Exxon, but in addition the rising costs at the supermarket. Dr. Laura says it simply,'Eat less. Move More.' it's the lasting cure for weight-loss.

All-in-all, the government actually knocked out three birds with one stone! Food prices up= assist us with portion control, and Gas prices up= motivate Americans to be active, and lower emissions("global warming") :) how kind of them...

'Do As I Do, Not As I say'

"Do as I do, not as I say"--Wouldn't this arrangement of the popular expression, 'Do as I say, not as I do', be more effective?

For some mysterious reason I have been waking around 4 AM the past few days--It's like the light switch was on, but the light bulb was not lit--thinking about how much I talk. My initial thought was, 'Why the heck am I awake? I would really much rather be sleeping', but as my eyelids would in no way be coerced back to my beauty rest, I sat with the questions now rattling in my mind. I thought to myself, I am always conversing with friends, family, colleagues, etc. offering them my brilliant advice at no expense;0) But these mornings, the only thing that consumed my attention was the never silencing question,'Do I honestly follow my own advice in my daily life?'. It's so simple for me to see clearly when looking at another's life circumstances and troubles, and offer a word of encouragement or a piece of advice...but how clouded is my vision when it comes to my own life? The answer I offer to a friend may in every way be the 'right' thing to do, but if it were my issue, would I follow my own advice?

Needless to say, those flip switch mornings had begun to shed new light on an old truth. I continually heard the phrase ' Do as I do, not as I say', and it puzzled me.

"What does that mean to me? And, why do I keep thinking about that phrase? That's not even how it goes!?"
As I went about my day, I got over the perplexing reasoning behind why I thought of the phrase, but, I kept mulling over what it meant. After much reflection, the current finally reached the light bulb, if you will. It's not the amount of words spoken that shape how people perceive me, but more importantly it's the actions I take. How I make choices, what choices I choose, how I treat other people, how I care for my belongings, how I care for myself, what I do with my free time, how I work...all these things speak volumes, and essentially they can all be done without words.

Today I am challenging myself to replace wordiness with willingness. I want to be more motivated and willing to DO, rather then to SAY. Anyone can talk themselves up, but if there is nothing sustaining the words then it's only so long before they deflate. Many can offer a word of advice, but how many live a life of example? As I contemplated who most inspires me, the people who came to mind were all people of few words but much action. This is my new mission; action before words, and words=actions.